Why Is Your Marriage In a State of Conflict?
People think marriage is two people whose hearts beat together; their minds work
together, their plans are the same, and their objectives are the same.
That’s cooperation, and that’s how marriage should work.
But the normal kind of relationship between two or more people today is competitive, not cooperative. One partner has an idea on how something should go, and the other partner has their idea on how it should go. Does that sound familiar?
You can’t build an effective relationship until you come to grips with this tendency of selfishness. Selfishness often happens whenever a decision has to be made between you and your partner. You don’t even have to work at it.
Talking it over, thinking there just needs to be more understanding, probably won’t work. It can just solidify your opposition to the other’s viewpoint, because the more you understand their viewpoint, the less you appreciate it.
Read also 10 Ways Of Building Your Partiner's Self Esteem
Maybe you try talking it over with friends which is the worst mistake ever. That too probably won’t work, for the same reason that just you and your partner talking it over didn’t work. Never solve any problems when you are angry.
So when it comes to you both trying ways of coming to the right decision, and none work, you have to face the fact that you’ve hit a stalemate. You also have to face the fact that somebody has to have the last word and be the leader, or the problem won’t be solved.
That’s a tough conclusion to come to, because even though you’ve tried ways to solve the dilemma, nothing has really changed. Why? You each still want your own way. You are still competing.
What is it that introduces the competition you still find yourselves involved in? It’s that selfish attitude that is still in control. Selfishness is the great hindrance to cooperation.
But the normal kind of relationship between two or more people today is competitive, not cooperative. One partner has an idea on how something should go, and the other partner has their idea on how it should go. Does that sound familiar?
You can’t build an effective relationship until you come to grips with this tendency of selfishness. Selfishness often happens whenever a decision has to be made between you and your partner. You don’t even have to work at it.
Talking it over, thinking there just needs to be more understanding, probably won’t work. It can just solidify your opposition to the other’s viewpoint, because the more you understand their viewpoint, the less you appreciate it.
Read also 10 Ways Of Building Your Partiner's Self Esteem
Maybe you try talking it over with friends which is the worst mistake ever. That too probably won’t work, for the same reason that just you and your partner talking it over didn’t work. Never solve any problems when you are angry.
So when it comes to you both trying ways of coming to the right decision, and none work, you have to face the fact that you’ve hit a stalemate. You also have to face the fact that somebody has to have the last word and be the leader, or the problem won’t be solved.
That’s a tough conclusion to come to, because even though you’ve tried ways to solve the dilemma, nothing has really changed. Why? You each still want your own way. You are still competing.
What is it that introduces the competition you still find yourselves involved in? It’s that selfish attitude that is still in control. Selfishness is the great hindrance to cooperation.
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